I love living in China!
But then, sometimes I’m just tired of needing to teach people not to point and stare or take pictures of my kids.
I’d rather just wear a t-shirt with a slogan.
1. “Congratulations! You can tell the difference between 1 foreigner and 1 billion Chinese people!”
Perfect for the people who shout or point and say, “Waiguoren!”
2. “Scammers beware! I’m wearing a body camera.”
We wish this was just practical for expats, but truth be told, we know some local friends who’d like this shirt too.
3. “Please speak slowly.”
It doesn’t seem to matter how many times you ask, speakers always speed up. Next time I got to a parent-teacher meeting, I’ll wear this.
4. “Funny! Your English language shirt makes no sense!”
This is a public service. They really need to know why English-speakers point and laugh.
5. “I am not a zoo animal. Don’t offer me food or take my picture.”
This should be available in all shapes and sizes.
6. “¥1,000 per picture. I’m starting my overseas college fund.”
And if you can’t beat ’em, might as well profit from ’em.
7. “I’m not your child. My mother doesn’t need your advice.”
8. “I walk barefoot inside.”
Maybe this is just a “me” thing, but I would like to raise awareness about the reckless and carefree ways to enjoy the cleanliness of one’s floors.
9. “Proud African.”
Every single white African I’ve met has to explain a dozen times a day that they are indeed from Africa. I kind of just want to wear this shirt so I can show solidarity and break stereotypes of race and locality.
10. “My chopstick skills are better than yours.”
Time for the International Battle of the Sticks! Contenders will come from all over the world to prove their culinary agility.
I suppose it’s time to start a China Moms Fashion line.
I’ll be taking pre-orders in the comments below.
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Vanessa Jencks founded China Moms Blog to connect internationally-minded parents through semi-humorous stories and poorly-written satire news. She is the former managing editor of beijingkids magazine; see her previous work here. She writes about relationships and faith at vanessajencks.com.